Unprecedented act of heroism

I'm sat on a chair at the back of a post office. I think I'm drunk. Ten minutes ago I was in a posh restaurant, finishing off bottles of white wine and immersed in one of those never-ending silly toasts (to you, to me, to us, to the world, blah blah blah).
When this lunch was organised I harboured serious suspicions about the fun I would be able to take out of it. I've been at other Christmas dinners with other workmates, and they just don't work. So I had decided beforehand that I would apply myself thoroughly to the bottles to get through it as absently as possible. And the wine did the trick, 'cause I had considerable fun.

The only problem is today is Thursday, and it's 7 pm, and I'm pretty drunk sat on a chair, and this is a post office.

I know I'm drunk because, otherwise, I would be on my feet, and I wouldn't need to hold my head with my right hand to prevent it from falling down. The way I see it, I'm offering a sad sight, but it's great because I don't care too much. My only concern right now is the too handsome middle-aged man that has just come in the post office, and is coming up to me. He shoots me a I-think-we've-met-before look and says:

-Excuse me, have we met before?

Oh my God.

We bloody well haven't met before. I would remember that. Somehow I manage to sit up properly without feeling too sick and open my mouth to say:

-Actually yes, I think we have.

Ok. Technically I'm telling the truth. Suddenly I've got one of those familiar feelings you get with people you haven't seen before (which usually means you would shag them though they're total strangers).

He looks into the distance, frowns and says:

-Do you work in the bank next door?

-No.

-Maybe at school... Do you have any children?

-No.

-Do you live around here?

-No

-Do you play tennis?

(Oh, come on, give me a break!)

He smiles and says "Well, forget it. Hope to see you again".Yeah. Bollocks.

I hear the beep that indicates my turn has come. I feel more cheerful now. I can stand on my feet. I might not have a clue of how to play tennis, but I'm on my feet and I'm sending a parcel. I don't work in the bank next door, but I'm sending something miles away. I don't have any children but I look beautiful today. I'm drunk. I'm on my feet. I'm sending a parcel. Miles away. I'm bloody amazing. Post offices are tremendous.